Because Acknowledging the Cookie Is the First Step
Welcome. If you’re reading this page, chances are you’ve recently encountered The Cookie™ and are experiencing one or more of the following:
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Persistent thoughts about “just one more”
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Rationalizing future cookie requests as reasonable
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Carefully saving the last cookie “for later”
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Sudden interest in birthdays, holidays, or vague anniversaries
You are not alone. And more importantly — you are not weak.
You are simply human.
Who Should Seek Admission
The Cookie Recovery Group accepts individuals who meet any of the following criteria:
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Have consumed one (1) cookie and immediately asked when more would be available
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Have consumed multiple cookies and insisted they were “just appreciating them”
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Have not had a cookie in months but bring it up unprompted
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Have stared into an empty tin hoping for a miracle
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Have uttered the phrase: “You know… if you ever make those again…”
Admission is voluntary, though denial is common in early stages.
Our Admissions Philosophy
We believe in low-barrier access, high-expectation management, and responsible cookie exposure.
Admission does not guarantee cookies.
It guarantees education, perspective, and emotional preparedness should cookies reappear.
With great cookies comes great responsibility — for both the baker and the recipient.
The Intake Process
Step 1: Acknowledgment
You admit — privately or publicly — that the cookie changed you.
Step 2: Reflection
You consider important questions such as:
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Was I truly satisfied… or just hopeful?
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Did I savor the cookie, or rush toward the next one?
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Would I survive if this never happened again?
Step 3: Acceptance
You accept that cookies are event-driven, schedule-limited, and emotionally impactful.
At this stage, many applicants feel relief. Others feel hunger. Both are normal.
What Admission Does Not Mean
Let’s be clear, for everyone’s safety:
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Admission does not place you on a priority list
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Admission does not increase cookie frequency
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Admission does not justify casual “check-ins”
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Admission does not override the Snack Responsibility Act of 2004
Any attempt to use admission status to negotiate cookie access will result in gentle disappointment.
Authorized Release Events
While routine admissions are welcome year-round, cookie distribution is strictly limited to approved occasions, including but not limited to:
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Birthdays (primary exception)
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Major holidays
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Rare morale-critical incidents
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Baker-initiated moments of generosity
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Situations classified as “It Felt Right at the Time”
All releases are subject to availability, mood, and oven temperature.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: If I’m admitted, can I request cookies?
A: You may feel like you can. This is part of the process. Please sit with that feeling.
Q: What if my spouse also needs help?
A: Group admissions are common. Mutual support is encouraged. Coordinated begging is not.
Q: How long does recovery take?
A: Recovery is ongoing. Memories last forever.
Ready to Begin?
Admission is simple. Take a deep breath. Lower your expectations slightly.
And remember:
Legendary cookies are not meant to be easily available.
They are meant to be remembered, respected, and responsibly reintroduced.
If cravings persist longer than 12 months, please revisit this page and wait patiently for the next authorized release.